So incase you weren't aware I am currently working in a call centre in London. This particular call centre deals with fan to fan ticket sales. Basically it's legal, online scalping!
What I am consistently amazed by is the number of adults of my generation who are unable to make a phone call themself. Not only this but most of them are unable to purchase a concert ticket themself.
Here's an example:
A girl buys tickets for Lil' Wayne (no sympathy at all for whatever your enquiry is for wasting your money in the first place).
Lil' Wayne cancels (maybe he's figured out he's terrible and is trying to save you all from the horror of this)
Girl is given instructions on how to obtain a refund.
Girl doesn't follow instructions.
Girls father calls to complain that HIS money isn't back in HIS account for the tickets his daughter purchased with HIS money.
Now this is a fairly common scenario. In fact I just handled this exact enquiry. So maybe you didn't have the money at the time so asked to borrow it from your parents. Maybe they already had an account so you thought it was easier to use theirs. But then getting correct information, not doing as advised and get your dad to yell at me? What a fucking clown.
Scenario number two:
UPS loses girls tickets to Ne-Yo(happens far too often)(another shit performer, no sympathy)
Girl doesn't advise us of this until the FRIDAY NIGHT before the concert on the SUNDAY! (yeah last minute when Royalmail are on strike is awesome)
Advise girl we will attempt to source alternative tickets and that someone will be in contact if we are able to find them.
Girl says this isn't good enough that she has to wait around (certainly waiting fucking long enough to advise she hadn't received the tickets didn't she)
Advised the girl we could do a full refund for the lost tickets if she didn't want to wait.
This is unacceptable, girl wants it both ways!
Advised nothing else we could do, she would be contacted.
She demands to speak with a manager. Advise none available. She says "I work in a call centre, I know I can speak to a manager if I want to"
I think "Working in a call centre is nothing to brag about, I do it and absolutely LOATHE it. Also if you work in a call centre shouldn't you be aware that the customer is almost never right!?"
I repeat myself regarding what we can do til blue in the face.
About 10 minutes later her mum calls. I explain once the situation, mum thanks me.
Seriously these bratty little spoilt fucks over here are wearing on my nerves. Get a clue, read terms and conditions. Admit when you're wrong etc.
DON'T GET MUM AND DAD TO CALL US WHEN YOU DON'T GET YOUR WAY! THIS ISN'T FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL.
P.S. Suck shit that your Lady Gaga, Ne-Yo, Kings of Leon, Take That, Lil' Wayne and whatever other SHIT "event" you're going to, tickets didn't arrive. Serves you all fucking right!
End Post
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
P.S.
Brand New two weeks ago. Fucking amazing. Jesse Lacey has the most incredible voice I've heard. I think I might be gay for his voice even.
The Get Up Kids in 5 weeks time or so....I know I'm gay for Dewees. Seriously going to hump his leg or something
The Get Up Kids in 5 weeks time or so....I know I'm gay for Dewees. Seriously going to hump his leg or something
The works
No, not the lot, bit of everything. I'm talking employment, which I have finally obtained.
My job is working for a peer to peer ticket selling company. Kind of like e-bay for concert/sporting/theatre tickets. Why use us? I haven't quite worked that part out yet. This isn't an advertisement as I'm not even mentioning the company name. What is it? I'm not sure.
Perhaps it's a whinge. After quite a while out of a working environment you forget just how loony it can be. You forget how messed up customers thought processes are. After interacting with mostly Australians or Kiwis since arriving here, you forget how FUCKED the English accent can be (Hi there Liverpool, Newcastle....what the fuck are you saying?)
So yeah, my role is mostly taking calls from angry jerks who haven't received tickets to their shitty concerts which they paid a ridiculous amount for because they didn't get in early enough to buy them from the actual promoter. "What sort of concerts?" I hear you ask. Well last week was all about Take That, Blur, Madonna and The Killers who all had concerts at the same time and all had promoters who apparently couldn't organise a piss up in an off licence (damn I love off licence shops). This week; Oasis and the Benicassim Festival. What's Benicassim you ask....basically it's all the bands that played here last week playing in some backwater town in Spain.
Trouble is all the English fools going to this festival who are leaving a week before the event but haven't got their tickets yet. So yeah, kill me please.
I desperately need a drink, but right now have sworn off booze. It's been two weeks so far. Lets see if I can make it through the weekend.
End Post
My job is working for a peer to peer ticket selling company. Kind of like e-bay for concert/sporting/theatre tickets. Why use us? I haven't quite worked that part out yet. This isn't an advertisement as I'm not even mentioning the company name. What is it? I'm not sure.
Perhaps it's a whinge. After quite a while out of a working environment you forget just how loony it can be. You forget how messed up customers thought processes are. After interacting with mostly Australians or Kiwis since arriving here, you forget how FUCKED the English accent can be (Hi there Liverpool, Newcastle....what the fuck are you saying?)
So yeah, my role is mostly taking calls from angry jerks who haven't received tickets to their shitty concerts which they paid a ridiculous amount for because they didn't get in early enough to buy them from the actual promoter. "What sort of concerts?" I hear you ask. Well last week was all about Take That, Blur, Madonna and The Killers who all had concerts at the same time and all had promoters who apparently couldn't organise a piss up in an off licence (damn I love off licence shops). This week; Oasis and the Benicassim Festival. What's Benicassim you ask....basically it's all the bands that played here last week playing in some backwater town in Spain.
Trouble is all the English fools going to this festival who are leaving a week before the event but haven't got their tickets yet. So yeah, kill me please.
I desperately need a drink, but right now have sworn off booze. It's been two weeks so far. Lets see if I can make it through the weekend.
End Post
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Creatures
Hey London
I have a question to ask you. Ready? No that wasn't the question. My question to you London is this;
Why the hell are your creatures so big?
The pigeons here are the size of large cats. They still look as fucked up as ever, in fact, we saw one while walking down High Holborn that had a large part of it's skull showing from where it had been brutally, if not quite mortaly, wounded. They are a lot braver here also. You could quite easily reduce their population with nothing but a pair of boots and a casual stroll to the shops if you were so inclined. Their flying ability is lackluster at best. I thought to start with that perhaps it was me showing how much of a tourist I am by ducking left, right and centre as these gigantic birds took a beeline for my head.
Speak of beeline. Bumble-bees. Fucking fat little bastards. How bizarre are you guys. You're round. There is no definition to your shape, you look adorable.
But I digress. Before we diverge too far from the talk of giant birds, what is with the seagulls over here. They're monstrous. Are they even seagulls or am I looking at a small albatross? They're huuuuuge!
Now all these above creatures I can deal with. They amuse and sometimes annoy me. They definitely astound me. One creature I cannot stand or even understand is the fucking monstrosities they call mosquitoes.
They're fucking huge. Think of the biggest mozzie you've ever slapped while drinking on a veranda in the middle of summer and multiply it by 3. Now I'm sure you're all saying "Mozzies are bad everywhere". This is true. Everywhere else where they are bad you tend to have the trade off of 'Nice weather'. Really folks I mean that. I'm in fucking London. Mosquitoes have no place here, no reason to be or to exist. Also they're quiet fuckers! How is the biggest damn mosquito ever born also the quietest. Back home I could generally smash one to death in the dark, roll over and go back to sleep. Here I can't. They sneak up on you and after 3 or 4 bites you begin to realise there is a mozzie in your room. After turning the light on and straining your sleep deprived eyeballs to find it, chasing it around the room six times and then getting its guts all over your hand you're so wide awake that rolling over and nodding off again is out of the question.
Thus begins my vendetta against the mutant mozzies of London. I shall not rest until I have the innards of every damn mosquito that crosses my path strewn across the house. I shall not rest as long as these abominations continue to roam the skys of Bethnal Green. I shall not rest as I will forever be covered in the biggest, itchiest fucking bites known to man.
God damn British creatures.
End Post
I have a question to ask you. Ready? No that wasn't the question. My question to you London is this;
Why the hell are your creatures so big?
The pigeons here are the size of large cats. They still look as fucked up as ever, in fact, we saw one while walking down High Holborn that had a large part of it's skull showing from where it had been brutally, if not quite mortaly, wounded. They are a lot braver here also. You could quite easily reduce their population with nothing but a pair of boots and a casual stroll to the shops if you were so inclined. Their flying ability is lackluster at best. I thought to start with that perhaps it was me showing how much of a tourist I am by ducking left, right and centre as these gigantic birds took a beeline for my head.
Speak of beeline. Bumble-bees. Fucking fat little bastards. How bizarre are you guys. You're round. There is no definition to your shape, you look adorable.
But I digress. Before we diverge too far from the talk of giant birds, what is with the seagulls over here. They're monstrous. Are they even seagulls or am I looking at a small albatross? They're huuuuuge!
Now all these above creatures I can deal with. They amuse and sometimes annoy me. They definitely astound me. One creature I cannot stand or even understand is the fucking monstrosities they call mosquitoes.
They're fucking huge. Think of the biggest mozzie you've ever slapped while drinking on a veranda in the middle of summer and multiply it by 3. Now I'm sure you're all saying "Mozzies are bad everywhere". This is true. Everywhere else where they are bad you tend to have the trade off of 'Nice weather'. Really folks I mean that. I'm in fucking London. Mosquitoes have no place here, no reason to be or to exist. Also they're quiet fuckers! How is the biggest damn mosquito ever born also the quietest. Back home I could generally smash one to death in the dark, roll over and go back to sleep. Here I can't. They sneak up on you and after 3 or 4 bites you begin to realise there is a mozzie in your room. After turning the light on and straining your sleep deprived eyeballs to find it, chasing it around the room six times and then getting its guts all over your hand you're so wide awake that rolling over and nodding off again is out of the question.
Thus begins my vendetta against the mutant mozzies of London. I shall not rest until I have the innards of every damn mosquito that crosses my path strewn across the house. I shall not rest as long as these abominations continue to roam the skys of Bethnal Green. I shall not rest as I will forever be covered in the biggest, itchiest fucking bites known to man.
God damn British creatures.
End Post
Sunday, June 21, 2009
COALESCE
Never thought I'd see a band that would make Omerata and Four Dead look tame on stage....
So Sean Ingram didn't break any schooners on his head, didn't break any bones (that I'm aware of) or even draw blood....but when the singer and guitarist are being held up by the crowd halfway through the first song you get the idea that you're in for a treat.
Also the amount of talent some people have can be somewhat frustrating for someone as untalented as I am. When a guitarist can be that fucked up, crowd surfing and still hitting every note then yeah, I get a little jealous. All said and done though, they were epic. Still the roughest voice I've ever heard, maybe even more so live and the new songs are so good that it's kinda stupid.
So a quiet week coming up...oh except for JamieT on Wednesday and Brand New on Saturday. Loving how many shows there are to go here and the fact that they're only £10 or £20 each. Nice.
Before that, another week of job hunting, and time killing etc ahead. So we'll see how that goes, hopefully some good news shortly.
End Post
So Sean Ingram didn't break any schooners on his head, didn't break any bones (that I'm aware of) or even draw blood....but when the singer and guitarist are being held up by the crowd halfway through the first song you get the idea that you're in for a treat.
Also the amount of talent some people have can be somewhat frustrating for someone as untalented as I am. When a guitarist can be that fucked up, crowd surfing and still hitting every note then yeah, I get a little jealous. All said and done though, they were epic. Still the roughest voice I've ever heard, maybe even more so live and the new songs are so good that it's kinda stupid.
So a quiet week coming up...oh except for JamieT on Wednesday and Brand New on Saturday. Loving how many shows there are to go here and the fact that they're only £10 or £20 each. Nice.
Before that, another week of job hunting, and time killing etc ahead. So we'll see how that goes, hopefully some good news shortly.
End Post
Monday, June 15, 2009
Long time no post
So what's been happening in my life. Basically the same old shit.
Still looking for work, going to interviews, being looked down at like I have some type of disease and that I'm probably insane for thinking that I'm right for their company.
Other than that things here are good. Much cheap cider and beer still being consumed, although trying to take it a bit easy recently. The whole depression/anxiety hangover is never fun, especially when not working and the money is getting low. So avoiding it as much as possible.
Coalesce is on this Friday and incredibly psyched for that. I hope Dewees is playing with them. I <3 Dewees. Speaking of Dewees...going to see the Get Up Kids on August 19th. Fuck yeah. Then the weekend after that is Leeds Festival which my sister got me a couple of weekend passes for. Pretty excited for that for the following reasons:
Brand New, Bloc Party, Radiohead, Faith No More, Fall Out Boy, Thursday, AFI, The Bronx, Polar Bear Club, Chuck Ragan, Mancherster Orchestra....
Then of course there are the bands that I may see if nothing else is on, just because I can:
Bouncing Souls, Atreyu, Rival Schools, Snuff, Rise Against, Gallows, JamieT, Placebo, New Found Glory...ETC ETC
So yeah, that should be some fun times.
Speaking of fun times I think I need to meet more Natives. Seems that most of (all of) the people I've been hanging out with here are Australian, not even Australians I didn't know before, but people I've known for years and am now hanging out with on the other side of the word. I could be more proactive in this regard, but can't think of a single reason why I should bother. I suppose once I'm working I'll meet people, probably local people even, but really don't care that much.
One complaint I do have about this place though is my chronic hayfever. I haven't had hayfever since I was in school. I come here and have new types of pollen, intense smog and basic dirtiness and as a result my eyes and nose will not stop running and itching. Can't stop sneezing and the hayfever medication here is lackluster, at best.
So... I don't have much else to say, I've done a lot more things since I've been here but this isn't an itinerary or a logbook of what I've seen and done, so I'm not going to do that. One fantastic (and incredibly drunken) night that Miranda, Elissa and I had was at All Star Bowling. I think I came last, Elissa blitzed us all and the cocktails were GIGANTIC. It was fantastic. See photo above.
I do think I'll try to update this a lot more often though, even though I'm not even sure if anyone reads it. I also think I'm going to get an Easel (if that's even you spell it) and start painting, going to draw more and maybe even give creative writing a shot. I think I need new avenues to express myself other than getting wasted and having a laugh.
So yeah, that's about it.
End Post
Monday, May 11, 2009
Going to the pub
When a pub in East London advertises on plain paper with black texta that "Spurs vs Everton @ 3pm" it probably isn't an invitation for Australian Everton fans to come watch a quiet game of football.
In fact I was the only person there without a shaved head, the only one not wearing some form of Tottenham clothing and almost certainly the only one who was worried Everton would score, not because of the points or the league or the table. I was worried that their scoring would induce some sort of celebratory noise to escape my lips to be followed by a showering of fists, boots and headbutts.
On the other hand, going to a pub later that night to discover "pop punk night" was a great thing. Samiam as we walk in, followed by Blink182 and Face to Face and a billion other nostalgic hits made for great times.
The lesson....go to all the pubs you can, sometimes you might strike gold!
Cheers
Alex
In fact I was the only person there without a shaved head, the only one not wearing some form of Tottenham clothing and almost certainly the only one who was worried Everton would score, not because of the points or the league or the table. I was worried that their scoring would induce some sort of celebratory noise to escape my lips to be followed by a showering of fists, boots and headbutts.
On the other hand, going to a pub later that night to discover "pop punk night" was a great thing. Samiam as we walk in, followed by Blink182 and Face to Face and a billion other nostalgic hits made for great times.
The lesson....go to all the pubs you can, sometimes you might strike gold!
Cheers
Alex
Monday, May 4, 2009
Impressions so far
Fun.
The beer is still cold, this was a welcome surprise. The transport is kinda pricey, but fast and on time.
Elissa and Miranda's new flat is awesome. We got plants, prints and a TV so it's feeling more "homelish"
The @ button and the " button have swapped spots on the keyboard. The money is unusual. The pigeons are FUCKING HUGE.
Clubs in the back of a kebab shop is one of the most bizarre things ever. So is hanging out with Treebeard, biggest dude ever.
Lots of walking, markets, chilling out, building furniture for Liss and Miranda. It's been good. Jet lag was almost non-existant and it's sinking in that I'm on the otherside of the world and I like it.
Cheers
Alex
The beer is still cold, this was a welcome surprise. The transport is kinda pricey, but fast and on time.
Elissa and Miranda's new flat is awesome. We got plants, prints and a TV so it's feeling more "homelish"
The @ button and the " button have swapped spots on the keyboard. The money is unusual. The pigeons are FUCKING HUGE.
Clubs in the back of a kebab shop is one of the most bizarre things ever. So is hanging out with Treebeard, biggest dude ever.
Lots of walking, markets, chilling out, building furniture for Liss and Miranda. It's been good. Jet lag was almost non-existant and it's sinking in that I'm on the otherside of the world and I like it.
Cheers
Alex
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I are is in London
Thirty three or so hours after leaving Melbourne I arrived this morning to massive cuddles and kisses and content in the knowledge that I will not be boarding another aircraft for a long time.
All considered though it was a very smooth trip.
No long lines or waits in customs. No delayed flights, a little turbulence but that was just as the Valium kicked in so it helped rock me to sleep. A few movies, some silly little games, a lot of Heinekin (spl). Also airline food has actually improved an awful lot since I last flew. What that basically means is that it is now fit for human consumption. AMAZING.
My flight stop was Melbourne to Sydney. Only I could drive for 10 hours to Melbourne, only to fly back to the city I've been living in for the last 5 years. Uneventful, except that I had a window seat and noone next to me.
After clearing customs I boarded one of the new Airbus 380's for the trip to LAX. It was pretty cruisy, nothing special. Set foot on American soil for the first time ever and before I knew it I was outside. No Visa, no nothing. Looked in my passport and I had a visa waiver telling me to be out of the country before the 28th of July...I think the person was too lazy to reset their stamp. Nice folks there. Some protest against swine flu...or the health care system or something. So yeah, a few hours of chain smoking and wondering what note/coin I should be using to pay for stuff and I was off again.
This time British Airways to Heathrow. Cleared customs after getting my carton of Marlboro and my bottle of Chivers and again, nice flight. Flying over the US and Canada during the day was REALLY nice. It's a beautiful country from 33,000feet. Saw the Hoover dam. Even from that high up it's impressive and the Colorado River looked gorgeous! Could see the grand canyon out of my window which was incredibly impressive. The Rocky Mountains off on the horizon with their snow capped peaks was an incredible sight to see. The further north the more amazing it got. Snow covered woodlands, frozen lakes, salt plained deserts. It was amazing.
Not long after this I went to sleep for a few hours. The girl sitting next to me might have been early 20s. Asian-American girl who managed to curl into a ball in her seat, which gave me a little extra leg room, and the bloke sitting next to her gave me his Alternative Press mag once he'd finished with it. Apparently I look punk rock or something.
After we landed I was outside the airport within about 4 minutes looking at Miranda as she had a smoke. Charged up, dropped my bags everywhere and had crowds of people gawking at us as we hugged and kissed. Was worth the million hour trek to see her again.
Tube back to the place that her and Liss have been staying. The best shower I've ever had and some lunch. Helped her move her stuff to her new place and now here we are in a coffee shop across the road, on an incredibly slow computer with a busted spacebar.
It doesn't feel real yet, but it does feel great.
Will be updating when I can again. For now. PARTY TIME IN LONDON TOWN! w000000t!
cheers
Alex
All considered though it was a very smooth trip.
No long lines or waits in customs. No delayed flights, a little turbulence but that was just as the Valium kicked in so it helped rock me to sleep. A few movies, some silly little games, a lot of Heinekin (spl). Also airline food has actually improved an awful lot since I last flew. What that basically means is that it is now fit for human consumption. AMAZING.
My flight stop was Melbourne to Sydney. Only I could drive for 10 hours to Melbourne, only to fly back to the city I've been living in for the last 5 years. Uneventful, except that I had a window seat and noone next to me.
After clearing customs I boarded one of the new Airbus 380's for the trip to LAX. It was pretty cruisy, nothing special. Set foot on American soil for the first time ever and before I knew it I was outside. No Visa, no nothing. Looked in my passport and I had a visa waiver telling me to be out of the country before the 28th of July...I think the person was too lazy to reset their stamp. Nice folks there. Some protest against swine flu...or the health care system or something. So yeah, a few hours of chain smoking and wondering what note/coin I should be using to pay for stuff and I was off again.
This time British Airways to Heathrow. Cleared customs after getting my carton of Marlboro and my bottle of Chivers and again, nice flight. Flying over the US and Canada during the day was REALLY nice. It's a beautiful country from 33,000feet. Saw the Hoover dam. Even from that high up it's impressive and the Colorado River looked gorgeous! Could see the grand canyon out of my window which was incredibly impressive. The Rocky Mountains off on the horizon with their snow capped peaks was an incredible sight to see. The further north the more amazing it got. Snow covered woodlands, frozen lakes, salt plained deserts. It was amazing.
Not long after this I went to sleep for a few hours. The girl sitting next to me might have been early 20s. Asian-American girl who managed to curl into a ball in her seat, which gave me a little extra leg room, and the bloke sitting next to her gave me his Alternative Press mag once he'd finished with it. Apparently I look punk rock or something.
After we landed I was outside the airport within about 4 minutes looking at Miranda as she had a smoke. Charged up, dropped my bags everywhere and had crowds of people gawking at us as we hugged and kissed. Was worth the million hour trek to see her again.
Tube back to the place that her and Liss have been staying. The best shower I've ever had and some lunch. Helped her move her stuff to her new place and now here we are in a coffee shop across the road, on an incredibly slow computer with a busted spacebar.
It doesn't feel real yet, but it does feel great.
Will be updating when I can again. For now. PARTY TIME IN LONDON TOWN! w000000t!
cheers
Alex
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Actually travelled
So late last night I set out on my big adventure by driving all the way to the distant lands of Melbourne, my previous home of 23 odd years.
I have some gripes about the journey.
First of all. In future, please do not close the only entrance to the M5 that I even know exists. It makes me take wrong turns, do laps of the airport and then end up following a truck in the rain because he looks like he knows what he's doing.
Second...Gundagai! What makes you (and your road) so special that you get a ridiculous song written about you. Worse yet, I know part of the song, but not enough for it to be fun. No, it gets stuck in my head on the small part I do know then somehow transforms itself into Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven". I can't even think right now if the two songs sound similar or if my brain was just fucking with me.
Next.... Holbrook. What a stupid town you are. You have the H.M.A.S. Otway (a submarine) parked IN CONCRETE in the middle of town. Now I'm no geologist, or geographist, or which ever "ist" deals with waterways and landmarks etc, but I do know that this submarine wasn't sailed to it's concrete resting place. In fact, with the aid of google maps I have now learned that you are probably a good 250 kilometres to the nearest part of Australia's eastern coast, and that's in a straight line. Sorry Holbrook. Your gig is up.
While we're on shit towns, Benalla. I didn't stop at you this time, but you deserve a big fuck off for the time I did have to stop there 7 or 8 years ago....don't think I've forgotten about your round pool table or your rip off merchant radiator shop.
Hume highway roadworks. I don't think I need to elaborate. You are a pain in the arse.
High beams. Hey folks, just because there is a rather large area between the north and south bound lanes with some scattered shrubs does not mean you aren't still blinding me. I hope you all burnt out your headlights leading to fiery deaths.
My biggest gripe of the whole journey was after the lovely "Welcome to Melbourne" sign however. The western ring road is great, avoids all the congestion one used to face coming down Sydney Road. My problem with it is the sneaky fucking cameras placed every couple of miles. Making the roads safer by placing a camera somewhere with a big sign saying "HAI THERE!!! WE HAS CAMERAS YOU KNOW?" is one thing. Sticking them every where with no warning is pure revenue raising and makes me sick. Well guess what Victorian Government. If I got caught, I'm not paying. I'll be about 10,000miles away. Add it to my bill. Especially if it was the one placed behind the tree. Sneaky bastards.
Also traffic. Fuck you traffic.
Finally to Triple J. Pick a damn frequency. Or have some sort of "trip planner" available so people can go "oh, so we're past Yass, now we tune to 94.2" or whatever so I don't have to put the radio on scan then get assaulted in the ears by a guy calling the dogs at 3am (fucking Holbrook). WHO'S LISTENING TO THE DOGS AT THAT HOUR!!!? HUH!?
But after all of the above I have made it safe and sound. I am here and it's a beautiful day, which I will spend in bed. Energy drinks deserve a big thank you from me. Cheers to V, Redbull and Mother for helping me get through this, my heart hates you, but the rest of me is grateful.
Thanks to Miranda for the sms conversation (illegal and unsafe while driving I know, but it kept me occupied). Thanks to Yass for always making me laugh with your McDonald's sign.
And finally thanks to my shitty old Subaru for not being as shitty as you've been in the past and getting me here in one piece.
Cheers
Alex
(edit)
P.S. One more point for Holbrook I just remembered. In the toilet of the service station I stopped at for fuel there was a sticker someone had placed on the wall stating "White Men Can't Funk". In true country town Australian style scrawled underneath it in texta was "PIGZ ARSE!!!". Fucking brilliant, in an incredibly sad way
I have some gripes about the journey.
First of all. In future, please do not close the only entrance to the M5 that I even know exists. It makes me take wrong turns, do laps of the airport and then end up following a truck in the rain because he looks like he knows what he's doing.
Second...Gundagai! What makes you (and your road) so special that you get a ridiculous song written about you. Worse yet, I know part of the song, but not enough for it to be fun. No, it gets stuck in my head on the small part I do know then somehow transforms itself into Led Zepplin's "Stairway to Heaven". I can't even think right now if the two songs sound similar or if my brain was just fucking with me.
Next.... Holbrook. What a stupid town you are. You have the H.M.A.S. Otway (a submarine) parked IN CONCRETE in the middle of town. Now I'm no geologist, or geographist, or which ever "ist" deals with waterways and landmarks etc, but I do know that this submarine wasn't sailed to it's concrete resting place. In fact, with the aid of google maps I have now learned that you are probably a good 250 kilometres to the nearest part of Australia's eastern coast, and that's in a straight line. Sorry Holbrook. Your gig is up.
While we're on shit towns, Benalla. I didn't stop at you this time, but you deserve a big fuck off for the time I did have to stop there 7 or 8 years ago....don't think I've forgotten about your round pool table or your rip off merchant radiator shop.
Hume highway roadworks. I don't think I need to elaborate. You are a pain in the arse.
High beams. Hey folks, just because there is a rather large area between the north and south bound lanes with some scattered shrubs does not mean you aren't still blinding me. I hope you all burnt out your headlights leading to fiery deaths.
My biggest gripe of the whole journey was after the lovely "Welcome to Melbourne" sign however. The western ring road is great, avoids all the congestion one used to face coming down Sydney Road. My problem with it is the sneaky fucking cameras placed every couple of miles. Making the roads safer by placing a camera somewhere with a big sign saying "HAI THERE!!! WE HAS CAMERAS YOU KNOW?" is one thing. Sticking them every where with no warning is pure revenue raising and makes me sick. Well guess what Victorian Government. If I got caught, I'm not paying. I'll be about 10,000miles away. Add it to my bill. Especially if it was the one placed behind the tree. Sneaky bastards.
Also traffic. Fuck you traffic.
Finally to Triple J. Pick a damn frequency. Or have some sort of "trip planner" available so people can go "oh, so we're past Yass, now we tune to 94.2" or whatever so I don't have to put the radio on scan then get assaulted in the ears by a guy calling the dogs at 3am (fucking Holbrook). WHO'S LISTENING TO THE DOGS AT THAT HOUR!!!? HUH!?
But after all of the above I have made it safe and sound. I am here and it's a beautiful day, which I will spend in bed. Energy drinks deserve a big thank you from me. Cheers to V, Redbull and Mother for helping me get through this, my heart hates you, but the rest of me is grateful.
Thanks to Miranda for the sms conversation (illegal and unsafe while driving I know, but it kept me occupied). Thanks to Yass for always making me laugh with your McDonald's sign.
And finally thanks to my shitty old Subaru for not being as shitty as you've been in the past and getting me here in one piece.
Cheers
Alex
(edit)
P.S. One more point for Holbrook I just remembered. In the toilet of the service station I stopped at for fuel there was a sticker someone had placed on the wall stating "White Men Can't Funk". In true country town Australian style scrawled underneath it in texta was "PIGZ ARSE!!!". Fucking brilliant, in an incredibly sad way
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
oh also.....
How the hell do I find and add people on here? Do I need to know their URL or can I search by display name or real name or what?
This all looks hard for someone as slow on the uptake as I tend to be sometimes.
This all looks hard for someone as slow on the uptake as I tend to be sometimes.
And so it begins
I had farewell drinks on Saturday and one of my good friends suggested a Blog to keep people up to date on what's happening. Great idea I thought. I also thought "I never know what to write in these things". I thought, "is this the new wave of livejournal?" I hope that's not what I'm doing.
I'm determined not to make it that.
So I thought with less than 2 days until I leave for Melbourne and less than 10 days til I fly far-far away I'd get started.
Today is the first day where it's been hard to be leaving. I had a nice dinner with the girls (and Jon) of Bucknell street. It was a little sad. Saying goodbye to Bridget was tough. I really have looked to her as a little sister for a while now and I worry about her. Stay tough Bid, you'll be fine and we'll see you in a matter of months.
Today Jarrod came over to get Saba from me. Saba is my carpet python that Jarrod is going to take care of for me. Thanks Jarrod.
The about 10 minutes ago my ex came to get Maggie and Baxter. My beautiful boston terriers. I fucking miss them like crazy already. The saddest day I've had in quite some time. I hope my kids are ok. So up top is a picture of my dogs, thinking of you kids, hope you're ok.
So tomorrow night I'll probably begin the long drive to Melbourne to say a last goodbye to the family. Won't be posting here all the time but will try to keep anyone who wants to read up to date.
Cheers
Alex
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